you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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