I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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