I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
