guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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