Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
There are leaves in my underwear?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
