Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
