I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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