sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
