I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I will be naked everywhere
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
