Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
