he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
