then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
