I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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