I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
