Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
