i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
