when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize