his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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