I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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