I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
This toilet bowl is my home.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
