like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
