i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
