We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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