Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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