i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I AM VODKA MAN
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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