He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
