that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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