took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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