I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
