yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
