peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
