Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize