Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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