wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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