I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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