we're making bets on your personal life
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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