My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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