I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
