Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize