I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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