can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
