A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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