we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
