peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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