I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
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