I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
