I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Randomize
