so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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