he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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