My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize