you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
