Its about making memories worth repressing
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
