does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just found a bag of teeth...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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