Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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