Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
