So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
