Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
