Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
