Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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