Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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