Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
