This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
