Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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