Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize