I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
