i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
