Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
