i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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