But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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