I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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