so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
