She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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