Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize