Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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