Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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