i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
