idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
