she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
