she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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