So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
