Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Church boner. Awkwardddd
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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