i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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