clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
How external is "for external use only"?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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