So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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