I have demons in me.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
