She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
