Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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