We're like a lot better than the average bears
I hate all girls vehemently.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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