okay pat passed out under dana's car
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
