I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
