...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
