so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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