you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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