So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
