wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
