i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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