My friends, they love my intelligence
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
