I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
