two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
