nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So. Much. Porn.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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