I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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